Shane Windmeyer | Sitting in the Tension: My Reflections on the DEI Paradox

Why Leaders Must Balance Retreat, Rebrand, Resist—and Something More

Introduction

I’ve spent much of my career navigating uncomfortable spaces. As an LGBTQ+ advocate, I’ve spoken out loudly against discrimination. I’ve stood with communities demanding justice. And, at times, I’ve chosen the path that many thought impossible: sitting down with someone considered my adversary.

That’s exactly what I did more than a decade ago with Chick-fil-A CEO Dan Cathy. His public opposition to same-sex marriage had cut deeply into the heart of the LGBTQ+ community. At first, I was among his fiercest critics. But over time, I chose dialogue. I chose to sit at his table, to listen and to speak, and eventually, to form a friendship that baffled people on both sides.

Why do I revisit this now? Because in 2025, I see businesses facing a strikingly similar dilemma. Today, leaders stand before what I call the DEI paradox: whether to retreat, rebrand, or resist in the face of growing backlash against Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. And just as I learned at Cathy’s table, the answer is not simple—but it is possible to navigate with integrity, strategy, and humanity.

The Pull Toward Retreat

The most common reaction I see today is retreat. Companies quietly dismantle DEI departments. They eliminate diversity goals from annual reports. They avoid making public statements that could draw political fire.

On paper, retreat looks like safety. But I know what retreat feels like on the other side. When Cathy first spoke against marriage equality, LGBTQ+ people felt an immediate retreat from our humanity. His words told us: your dignity is negotiable.

The same thing is happening in workplaces now. Employees notice when inclusion commitments vanish. They feel it in recruitment, in promotion tracks, in silence where there was once dialogue. Communities, too, take note. Retreat might buy temporary quiet, but it communicates abandonment for the long haul.

Rebranding Without Losing the Core

Then there’s rebranding. Many organizations are moving away from the politically charged acronym “DEI.” Instead, they emphasize “belonging,” “team culture,” or “wellbeing.” At first, I worried this was simply optics.

But the more I reflect on my own path, the more I see its value. When I chose to engage Dan Cathy, I didn’t abandon the fight for equality. I reframed it. I approached him as a person, not an enemy. That shift in tone opened doors. It didn’t water down my convictions—it kept them alive in a hostile space.

That’s what rebranding can do today. It can take the heat off language that has become weaponized while preserving the core work of equity. If reframing language is what allows leaders to keep mentoring, hiring equitably, and supporting advancement for underrepresented groups, then it’s not compromise. It’s strategy.

Resistance With Courage

But let’s be honest: there are moments when only resistance will do. Some companies, like Costco, have taken that path, resisting shareholder demands to scale back DEI programs. They’ve said, clearly and unapologetically, that inclusion is a business imperative and a cultural value.

I admire that courage. Because resistance is not easy. It brings political targeting. It risks boycotts. It makes you a lightning rod. But it also makes you trustworthy. Employees know they can believe in leaders who won’t fold under pressure. Customers see that values are more than a slogan.

In my own dialogue with Cathy, I resisted by telling the truth. I told him how his words and actions harmed LGBTQ+ people, how they harmed me. Resistance was not shouting him down; it was refusing to pretend that his stance was harmless. That’s what real resistance requires: truth, spoken with integrity.

The Power of Integration

And yet, beyond retreat, rebrand, or resist, I believe the most transformative path is integration.

Integration means weaving equity into the very culture of an organization. It’s not an initiative—it’s a norm. It’s not a quarterly report—it’s everyday practice.

Integration looks like:

• Recruitment systems that automatically reach diverse talent pools.
• Leadership tracks that reflect the diversity of the workforce.
• Decision-making processes that seek out and value multiple perspectives.

When DEI is integrated, it doesn’t need a press release to exist. It thrives quietly, sustainably, and beyond the reach of political cycles.

That’s what my relationship with Cathy eventually became: an integrated rhythm of dialogue. Not a one-time headline, but a steady practice of showing up, listening, and learning. Integration doesn’t always make noise. But it makes change.

Lessons From Sitting at the Table

My journey with Chick-fil-A taught me lessons I still carry, and they apply directly to the DEI paradox of 2025:

1. Dialogue is not surrender. Sitting down with Cathy didn’t mean I gave up the fight for equality. It meant I fought differently—through human connection.
2. Reframing keeps the work alive. Language matters. Sometimes you must adapt the message to keep the mission alive.
3. Resistance is about truth, not noise. The hardest resistance isn’t about shouting louder. It’s about speaking truth without compromise.
4. Integration is the destination. The goal is not flashy DEI campaigns, but cultures where equity is as natural as breathing.

Why This Moment Matters

I believe we are at a tipping point. The backlash against DEI in 2025 is strong, and it is tempting for leaders to retreat. But if my story proves anything, it’s that progress doesn’t come from retreat or sensationalism. It comes from resilience.

We cannot abandon equity work. Too much is at stake—for employees, for customers, for the future of innovation and growth. At the same time, we must be wise in how we carry the work forward. Sometimes that means reframing. Sometimes it means resisting. Ultimately, it must mean integration.

Conclusion

When I chose to sit with Dan Cathy, I didn’t resolve our disagreements. But I learned that dialogue creates possibilities retreat never will. I learned that reframing can sustain work when language becomes weaponized. I learned that resistance requires honesty, not hostility. And I learned that integration—the slow, steady weaving of inclusion into everyday life—is what creates lasting change.

The DEI paradox—retreat, rebrand, or resist—is real. But there’s more. Leaders today have the opportunity to go beyond survival strategies and build something lasting. Integration, rooted in humanity, is that path.

That’s why I continue to believe, even in this moment of backlash, that DEI will not just endure but evolve. Because inclusion, at its heart, is about people. And humanity—our shared capacity to connect, listen, and grow—outlasts politics, outlasts backlash, and outlasts fear.

That’s the lesson I carry from my own story. And that’s the lesson I hope leaders carry into this paradox: that even in the hardest conversations, progress is possible when we choose to sit in the tension with courage, patience, and hope.

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